In the world of adoption advocacy and education, stories are often the most powerful tools we have. They evoke empathy and compassion and invite constructive conversations about systemic reform. But as we work to elevate the voices of those most impacted by adoption, we must remember this: these are real people, with real lives, and there are real risks when their stories are shared without sensitivity.
For Birth Parents in particular, storytelling has often been shaped for them, rather than by them. Many feel that they never had control over their adoption experience in the first place as decisions were made quickly and often under duress or misinformation. When their stories are then used publicly, without full consent or care, it can hinder them rather than heal. What might be well-intentioned advocacy can easily become exploitation.
Intertwined Stories Deserve Mutual Protection
It’s important to understand that protecting adoptee stories also means respecting and safeguarding the stories of their biological families as their experiences are inextricably linked. You cannot fully represent one side of the adoption triad without considering the impact it may have on the others. A narrative that simplifies a Birth Mother’s grief or resilience might overlook the complexities of coercion, loss, or survival.
Birth Parents are not pawns. We are human beings.
Mothers. Fathers. Sons. Daughters. Deserving of dignity, agency, and compassion. If we are to share our stories, we ask that you hold them with gentleness and integrity.
What Does Ethical Storytelling Look Like?
Advocates, educators, professionals, and content creators: if you are sharing adoption-related stories that are not your own, it’s important to reflect on your approach. Ethical storytelling is not just about getting permission. It’s about protecting the person behind the story and acknowledging the weight their narrative carries in public spaces.
Here are some key practices to consider:
- Informed Consent: Before asking a Birth Parent to share their story, make sure you’re offering informed consent, not just a quick yes or no. Help them consider the potential risks:
- How might this impact their relationship with their child or the adoptive family?
- Could it affect their mental health or sense of closure?
- What safety concerns or reputational issues could arise?
Giving someone the space to fully process these questions is vital. If the answer ends up being “no,” that choice must be respected without pressure or persuasion.
- Protect Their Identity: Many birth parents may want to share their story but maintain anonymity due to the deeply personal and often painful nature of their experience. Do everything you can to protect their identity:
- Avoid sharing names or specific details.
- Do not use photos without explicit permission.
- If they are speaking publicly, take care to control who is in the audience and what is recorded.
Even subtle identifiers can unintentionally expose someone, and once it’s out in the world, it can’t be taken back.
- Maintain Accuracy: Resist the temptation to embellish or sensationalize a story to make a bigger impact. If the story is used to serve an agenda (whether it’s marketing, fundraising, or political change) it must still be accurately and respectfully Otherwise, it:
- Risks distorting the truth.
- Damages the storyteller’s credibility.
- Discourages others from sharing their experiences.
- Give Them Full Control: Above all, remember: it’s their story, not yours. If a Birth Parent wants to revise their narrative, take a break, or pull it entirely, honor that decision. Do not use their vulnerability to further your mission without first checking how it may affect their life, their family, and their healing.
When We Protect Birth Parents, We Protect Adoptees
Stories matter. They shape policy, public perception, and personal healing. But they must be handled with care, especially when shared by people who have lived through trauma, loss, and silence.
Birth Parents are not props for advocacy or cautionary tales for reform. They are full human beings with layered experiences and sacred connections to their children. When we protect their stories, we are also protecting the identity, truth, and emotional well-being of adoptees.
Let’s commit to ethical storytelling. Let’s be advocates who listen first, ask permission always, and honor the sacredness of someone else’s truth.