2024 has been the year of community and building connections within the adoption triad. Intentionality combined with action leads to growth and long-lasting connections.
January: Building Community
What I Wish I Knew
- No one has life figured out. I have spent most of my life working towards a status that is not obtainable. I have placed unreasonable and irrational expectations on myself which unfortunately has been the cause of many disappointments.
- It is ok to be vulnerable. If you have read any of my previous blogs or newsletter you will know that I love Brené Brown. Brené Brown has an amazing way of taking social norms, flipping them over, and making the idea revolutionary.
- Failure is not a curse word. Over the years my fear of failure has been crippling and it has perpetuated mediocracy in my life. Failure is just as important as success.
February: Black History Month
Ways to Celebrate Black History Month
- Learn about Black History Month. Knowledge is a bridge that can lead to understanding, empathy, and change.
- Read Black literature: Read books written by Black authors, including nonfiction, fantasy, and poetry.
- Watch Black Cinema: Watch videos by Black creators or films centered on Black actors or cultural experiences.
- Support Black businesses and nonprofits: Support Black-owned businesses and influential Black-led nonprofits. You can also be intentional with your donations.
- Listen to podcasts: Listen to podcasts about race, such as “1619,” “Code Switch,” and “The Diversity Gap”
- Attend events: Attend local events, lectures, and exhibitions. You can also join a discussion or volunteer at a local organization.
March: Relationships with Family
As an adoptee, I was constantly comparing and complaining about the difference between how I was raised versus my non-adopted siblings. Adoption requires more attention to all the nuances that come with parenting. A common complaint or misunderstanding between two biological siblings can turn into a bigger issue between non-biological siblings who were brought together through adoption.
If you have siblings, I encourage you to find ways you can connect and grow deeper. Love and empathy are imperative for deeper connections.
April: Finality
April is National Month of Hope. Which I find fitting because April showers bring May flowers. Although we endure the rain showers we anticipate the beauty of what will come in May. The rain showers are a symbol of the hard work and dedication that is put into being a better person. The flowers symbolize growth and new beginnings. Adoption is a lifelong journey for adoptees. The ebb and flow of emotions and triggers are continuous and can be unsettling. Adoptees, please take the time out this month to identify areas that need pruning. Adoption comes with disenfranchised grief, fear of abandonment, imposter syndrome and so much more. Adoptees, I encourage you to work towards tangible goals and results. One of the biggest proponents in my healing process was joining an adoptee support community. Support groups are a great way to connect with like-minded individuals and support each other through life’s challenges. “Conversations With Adoptees” is a Facebook group that is for adoptees and led by adoptees.
May: Layers of Motherhood
Ways to Celebrate Mother’s Day
- Write a note to your Birth Mother and Adoptive Mother
- Share a meal with your mother (s)
- Make a personalized gift such as a necklace or picture frame
- Plant a tree in honor of your mother (s)
- Name a star in your mother (s)
- Go hiking
- Journal
- Attend Bible Study
- Go on trip
- Celebrate at a distance
- Connect with other adoptees
June: Layers of Fatherhood
Fun ways to celebrate Father’s Day for younger adoptees:
- Family Picnic
- Make Dad Breakfast in Bed
- Go Hiking
- Go on a scavenger hunt
- Play a sport
- Family Game Night
- Go fishing
July: History, Myths and Stigmas
- Myth: Adopting a child at birth is a better choice because the child will not have experienced any trauma.
- Truth: Adoption can be a psychological trauma that can lead to mental health issues and other problems for adopted people. The separation from their birth mother is a profound experience that the body processes as trauma, which can create an “attachment wound.” There is no such thing as a blank slate baby.
- Myth: Open Adoption is dangerous and will cause confusion for the adoptee
- Truth: In open adoption families stay in contact with the birth parents out of mutual love for the child. This style of adoption requires a deep level of trust and openness. The adoptee will have a more holistic view of their adoption story. Openness does not equal the lack of boundaries.
August: Saviorism in adoption
When people refer to the savior complex; adoption, humanitarianism, and mission work tend to be at the forefront of the conversation. Adoption is a space that involves the care and perceived well-being of children so there is a natural desire for people to want to help. Having the desire for change and growth is okay. The caveat is when boundaries are overstepped and people’s emotional, physical, and spiritual autonomy is taken away or compromised. The pause for concern happens when the desire is a reflection of alterer motives. Good things can turn to bad when intentions become self-serving.
September: Competition
As we enter September, we’re turning our focus to an important topic within the adoption community: competition. Specifically, how it can hinder progress and the ways we, as an organization, strive to counteract the desire to “win” or be better than our peers, colleagues, and community. At Abiding Love Charities, we are deeply committed to the values of teamwork, collaboration, and faith. We believe that there is no place for competition among coworkers, as it can foster division rather than unity. When individuals or groups focus on outperforming one another, it distracts from our shared goal—to serve the adoption community with compassion and effectiveness.
Instead of competing, we emphasize working together. We believe that mountains can be moved when people work together for a common purpose. At Abiding Love Charities, we aim to move those mountains, ensuring that every effort is directed towards the greater good rather than individual accolades.
October: Traditions
Adoption comes with unique challenges, including feelings of loss, confusion, and identity struggles. By honoring a child’s cultural traditions, adoptive families can help build emotional resilience. When a child sees their adoptive family engaging with their heritage, it validates their feelings and experiences. It tells them that it is okay to have a complex background and that they are loved.
November: Mental Health
Belonging, Well Being and Identity
- How have you been feeling lately; emotionally and mentally?
- Do you have any particular thoughts or feelings on your mind recently that you would like to share?
- How has your adoption experience influenced your view of yourself?
- Are there aspects of your adoption story that you find difficult to talk about?
- Do you ever struggle with feelings of identity or belonging?
- How do you feel about the balance between your birth culture and the culture you were raised in?
December: What Now?
Now is the time to take action. The education, stories, and resources provided over the past year were given to empower you to dig deeper and grow.