Navigating Competition Between Adoptive and Birth Parents

Competition refers to the rivalry between individuals or groups striving for the same goal, such as winning a contest, achieving a high level of performance, or gaining recognition or rewards. It involves the active participation of two or more parties engaging in a contest or struggle, often characterized by a desire to outperform one another. In various contexts, competition can be a driving force for improvement, innovation, and growth, while also posing challenges and potential conflicts.

When it comes to the environment for an adoptee, even friendly competition between Adoptive and Birth Parents can have significant impacts. It’s important to ensure that any competition remains healthy and respectful, with the focus on the well-being and best interests of the child. Open communication, empathy, and cooperation are essential to the health of the adoptee, as it allows them to feel secure and supported by both families. This can help prevent any negative effects that competition might otherwise have on the child’s emotional and psychological development.

Competition between adoptive and birth parents can arise in various ways. Some common sources of competition include disagreements over parenting styles, decisions about the child’s upbringing, and feelings of insecurity on the part of one or both sets of parents. Additionally, competition may stem from a desire for validation or recognition as the child’s “real” parent. It’s important for all parties involved to communicate openly and work towards mutual understanding and respect to foster a healthy environment for the child.

Adoptive and Birth Parents can work together in several ways to create a positive and collaborative environment for the benefit of the child. Here are some approaches:

• Maintain transparent and respectful communication: This can involve regular updates on the child’s well-being, sharing of important milestones, and discussing any concerns or issues that may arise.
• Set clear boundaries from the beginning: Establishing realistic expectations helps avoid unnecessary conflict and builds trust between the two families. It’s important for all parties to understand and respect each other’s roles in the child’s life.
• Keep the focus on the child: Every decision should be made with the child’s best interest in mind. This helps to minimize potential conflicts and ensures that the child feels supported and prioritized.

By working together with empathy, respect, and a shared commitment to the child’s happiness and stability, adoptive and birth parents can create an environment that cultivates curiosity and provides a stronger sense of belonging.

Another area of competition may occur between biological children and their parents versus adoptive children and adoptive parents which can be a challenging dynamic within adoptive families. Biological children may fear losing attention or resources to the adoptive child, while adoptive children may struggle with feelings of not fully belonging or being treated differently. Similarly, adoptive parents may face internal conflicts in balancing their attention and support between biological and adoptive children. Each family member needs to feel valued and loved.

Without a doubt, the objective for Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents is to create a loving, supportive, and nurturing environment for the adoptee, ensuring they feel secure in their identity and place within the family. This shared goal can serve as a guiding light for all involved, keeping the child’s emotional and psychological well-being at the forefront.

“And now these three remain; faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is LOVE.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

As adoptive parents, it’s crucial to not only express our love for our children and their birth families, but also to demonstrate that love through our actions. Providing the care, support, and understanding that an adoptee needs goes beyond mere words of affection. It requires active involvement, empathy, and ongoing efforts from all members of the adoption triad, including the Adoptive Parents, the Adoptee, and the Birth Families. This collective commitment is essential in creating a positive and nurturing environment for the adoptee, ensuring that their emotional, physical, and psychological needs are met. While love is important, it becomes truly impactful when backed by meaningful actions that address the specific needs and challenges within the adoption triad.

The adoption triad functions best as a team where everyone works together for the well-being of the child. There’s no “me” in team, and cooperation and collaboration are crucial for a successful adoption journey.