I knew as a young girl, that I would one day build a family through the act of adoption. I did not necessarily know how that would look. Would I marry and have biological children and adopt, or just adopt? I just knew that I wanted to adopt; being an adoptee was really my main pull to wanting to adopt. I would have someone who would understand me and me them. Someone that I could relate to. We would have a special bond and connection as adoptees. When I met my now husband, Robert, I told him how I wanted to adopt when we were ready to grow our family. We have been blessed with parenting five children, four of whom are biological and one through adoption. We did not struggle with infertility and were able to have children naturally. That is something I do not take for granted, because I know that not everyone can experience pregnancy.
Adoption was never a second choice; it was a choice from the very beginning, as a means for us to grow our family.
There is often the stigma attached to adoption, that only couples who struggle with infertility seek out adoption to grow their family, but this is not true. Like everything else in life, people have the right to choose whatever path they see fit to grow their family. Adoption is and will be an avenue for growing a family.
Family
Isn’t defined only by last names or by blood; it’s defined by commitment and by love. It means showing up when they need it most. It means having each other’s backs. It means choosing to love each other even on those days when you struggle to like each other. It means never giving up on each other!
– Dave Willis
Another stigma that surrounds adoption is that adoption is easy. That is a big, fat lie!!! Anyone who has experienced adoption knows firsthand that it is not an easy or effortless process. From researching ethical adoption agencies, adoption consultants, and attorneys, to completing your home study, adoption education classes, and finding ways to prepare financially to cover the expenses that come with adopting. There are many steps required by law that must be completed before you can become a “waiting family,” “matched,” or take “placement.” When you decide to grow your family through adoption, you ultimately have to decide what is important to you. Completing all the necessary steps is not easy, but it is worth it.
“The adoption journey doesn’t end when your adopted child is finally in your arms. The journey is one that never ends. It is a journey filled with joy, and it is a journey filled with heartache. It’s the realization of one dream and the loss of another. But, is adoption worth it? Absolutely.”
–Christina Romo, Adoptee
As adoptive parents, what can we do to break adoption stigmas? Breaking the stigmas and dispelling the myths starts with us! We need to hold each other accountable and challenge one another to a higher standard. We need to set a standard that will bring attention to the individual and societal beliefs that are harmful and incorrect. This change will not happen overnight, but with proper education, support, and encouragement, we can bring about that change. It starts with us!
One thing that we, as adoptive parents, need to remember is that we are not alone. At times, this journey can be lonely, and we can feel isolated. Families need to find resources and connections of support to maintain a healthy and happy family. Abiding Love Charities provides a major source of support from mentorship programs, support groups both in person and online, continued education, counseling, and more for all members of the adoption triad: birth families, adoptive families, and adoptees. The journey you are on as a family created through adoption does not end on the day of finalization; the reality is that it is just the beginning. It continues throughout your life as you love and support one another in the good and tough times.