“Wrong Answers Only”

What is it like to be a father? Well, it’s all “sunshine and roses.” Ok, I guess that is kind of girly answer for this to be a topic on fatherhood.  It is also the wrong answer.  If it were all sunshine and roses everyone would want to be a father, even the moms, because we know that being a mom isn’t the easiest thing either.

Becoming a father was the second greatest day of my life, right behind the day the Arkansas Razorbacks won the NCAA National Championship. I’m just kidding, Honey.

I remember coming home from work one day, and my wife had a surprise for me to open.  We had been married for a little over one year at this time.  Being a young newly married couple, you know what I was thinking? A pregnancy test, that’s right, I was thinking a pregnancy test.  Keep your minds out of the gutter.

I opened the surprise to find a pregnancy test that showed she was positive, and we were going to be parents.  I was not surprised, however, because we had been trying for several months.  But, I instantly became worried.

Even Good Dads Tell Themselves Terrible Things About Fatherhood

What kind of dad will I be?  A good one?  Definitely a good one.  No, probably a terrible one.  How will I support a wife and a kid? (We now have five kids and I still have this same question).

What if I make a mistake?  Oh no, this is a mistake.  I can’t do it. I will ruin this child’s life.  I mean, they will probably be just like me.  I hope she looks like her mom.  I hope he plays basketball. (None of them play basketball).

These are just some of the thoughts that flash through a man’s mind in an instance when they find out their going to be a dad.  At least those are the ones I am willing to admit.

A Dad Reflects On His Thoughts About Having Twins

When you find out you’re having twins (Our third pregnancy was twins) you multiply those thoughts by not two, but by too many.  We could only express our thoughts about twins in one way.

Do you remember, Saved by the Bell, the TV Show, with Zack and Kelly?  Remember when Jessie was taking the “energy pills” because she had so much to do, she didn’t have time to sleep?  She had all of her exams, plus there was this dance competition.  Remember when Zack found out about the pills, and she tried to say she was, ok?  She sang the song they were supposed to dance to, “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so… SCARED.”

That was us having twins.  That was me about to be the father of not three kids now, but all of the sudden, FOUR.  What am I going to do? I was attempting to start my own business, not making enough money.  We needed insurance.  We needed diapers, so… many… diapers!!!

Questions About Becoming An Adoptive Father

A few years later, we were chosen by someone that had to make what must have been the toughest decision of her life, to parent a gift from God, a blessing so enormous that one could not even in a thousand pictures of a thousand words.

Being an Adoptive Father has added a whole new layer of the difficult questions that run through your mind. Will he love me as much as I love him?  Will he really see me as his dad?

And then there are these, What do I say when he asks me about his Birth Father? How do we teach him that he is loved if adoption makes him feel abandoned and alone? 

I probably have only the wrong answers for him. I could be the wrong father for him.  What if he needs someone that likes soccer?  What if he needs someone that loves differently than I do?

I can’t tell you if I have all the right answers or the wrong ones, but I can tell you is Adoption was the right answer for our family.

Even Good Dads Don’t Feel They Deserve Any Credit

I am probably not the only dad that looks at his children and says, Wow, I can’t believe my kids are so awesome. Their Mom did that! We tend to think that what we do is either not significant or really just behind the scenes, working and supporting and providing. We are surprised when our mistakes, our bad temper, and our high expectations do not completely ruin our kids. Every father “fathers” in their own way.  It’s not something we are taught, specifically.  It’s just who we are. Fatherhood…  There is only one wrong answer.  “Your children don’t need their father.”  That’s the wrongest answer of them all.

Happy Father’s Day to the greatest man in every child’s life.  That’s you!