Every woman’s journey into motherhood is different. While there may be shared similarities, each of our stories are distinctly unique. Regardless of the path taken, we have been granted the ultimate privilege of being called Mom. Motherhood is never an easy stroll but the layers of motherhood in adoption have nuances that should be recognized.

I am an adoptive mom. That title alone carries significant weight and responsibility. It also comes with the knowledge that, without the involvement of others, I would not be a mom to this child. Most importantly, without the extremely difficult and totally unselfish act of another woman, I would not have experienced the joy and happiness that being this child’s mom brings.

Layers Of Motherhood In Adoption Means Mourning Expectations


I always dreamed of having a family. The fairytale of a knight in shining armor living together in a perfect little house with a white picket fence and children playing in the yard was the dream of all little girls of my generation. When I married my “knight”, I had the expectation that life would mirror my childhood fantasy.

After a couple of years of marriage, we were ready for the next chapter in our fairytale. As my circle of friends began to announce their pregnancies over the course of the next three years, the more my disappointment grew. Each baby shower attended brought unwelcomed attention to the fact that we were that childless couple. There were pitying comments and the “not-so-helpful” suggestions from family and friends. With the chance of a successful pregnancy nearly impossible, it was time to close that door and allow hearts and emotions to heal. Even in the midst of my tears, I knew in my heart that, one day, I would be a mom. Those three years had been spent trusting God to grow my family. Now, I had to trust Him to do it in His timing.

Motherhood In Adoption Sometimes Means Surrendering In The Waiting


We had discussed and prayed about adoption even before we knew we would experience infertility. We believed families are created from love, not blood. At that time, most adoptions were usually within families or handled privately. We began to pray specifically for the child destined for us. But we also prayed for the mom who would make the bravest and most unselfish decision of her life.

An additional four years passed before our home was blessed with a child. I still vividly remember the day we received the news! The pure joy, mixed with a hint of disbelief! Could it finally be true? Well, that precious baby girl just celebrated her 40th birthday! We were blessed again through adoption to add another beautiful baby girl four years later. She recently celebrated her 36th birthday! {It is probably best if we keep their ages between the two of us!}

Motherhood through adoption is an amazingly beautiful challenging journey but it has been my biggest blessing. At times, it can be a daunting road filled with fear and anxiety and, sometimes, the heartbreak that follows an interrupted adoption. I understand that grief. I continue to pray for the precious baby boy that I love but was never privileged to meet. I also pray that God has protected his birth mom and given her peace.

All Mothers Must Accept Their Imperfections As Moms


I may not be able to participate in conversations regarding pregnancy and labor. But I do have delivery stories of my own. I loved my girls in my heart well before I ever held them. There were so many miraculous events surrounding the creation of my family that there can absolutely be no doubt that it was orchestrated by God.

Adoptive moms are regular, imperfect moms. It is not a title that elevates us. At any given time, we can feel insecure and fearful that we are not measuring up or giving our best in the day-to-day moments of motherhood, regardless of how old our children are. I used to cringe inside when others would comment how lucky my daughters were. No, it is exactly the opposite. I am blessed because of them.

I chose from the beginning to share with my girls their adoption story. It was important that they knew they had a birth mom who made the choice to give them life. I wanted them to understand that God knew them from their very smallest beginning and He has a specific plan for each of them. I am just allowed to share in it.

Honoring Birth Mothers On Mother’s Day As An Adoptive Mom


On Mother’s Day, I always say a special prayer for two women I do not know. Their brave unselfish decision changed my life forever. Each smile, giggle and snuggle, each little hand in mine, each first word, first step, first day of school, first boyfriends, graduations, weddings, and now grandchildren are the result of their choices. All I can say is, “Thank You.”  Although, those two words so inadequately express the gratitude that I feel each day for all that I’ve been given.