More Courage; More Perspective

I have always loved the beginning of something new. Whether that is a new year, a new class, a new relationship, a new baby or even a new hairdo. This time allows me to become introspective and to hone in on the small details. Honestly, I would not even call myself a detail oriented individual. However, in these moments, I like to sit and think about the good, the bad and, the downright ugly.


My children love hearing stories about my childhood. Sometimes they will get my mom to ‘spill the tea’ on all of my mishaps. My girls especially love the stories where I end up making a fool of myself. We all get a good laugh, but I can’t help but to worry that my children will make the same mistakes I made.


We are on the precipice of a new year and everyone is making their lists and checking them twice. I admit, I get caught up in the hype and the natural desire to want and to do better.


Resolutions are made on a whim or after careful consideration and thought. As I am sitting here writing down my goals for the upcoming year, I cannot help but to think about all of my childhood mishaps. There are so many of my life choices that I made through the small lens of a child. If you do not know better, then you cannot do better. But now that I know better; what advice would I tell my younger self?


What I Wish I Knew


  • No one has life figured out. I have spent most of my life working towards a status that is not obtainable. I have placed unreasonable and irrational expectations on myself which unfortunately has been the cause of many disappointments.
  • It is ok to be vulnerable. If you have read any of my previous blogs or newsletters, you will know that I love Brené Brené Brown has an amazing way of taking social norms, flipping them over, and making the idea revolutionary.
  • Failure is not a curse word. Over the years, my fear of failure has been crippling and it has perpetuated mediocracy in my life. Failure is just as important as success.
  • Do not wait for a seat at the table. Bring your own chair. I have spent so many years waiting on ‘my turn’ in situations. I have spent time waiting for a particular job, a lasting friendship, for an apology, and so much more.
  • Stop apologizing. I do not know when and why I started apologizing for every little thing. I apologize for things that do not pertain to me, and for things that are out of my control. Taking ownership of all problems is a coping mechanism that is linked to trauma.
  • Laugh, Laugh, Laugh. Taking myself too seriously has stolen many joyful moments.
  • Give Grace. I used to be extremely judgmental. I would say things like “I would never…” of or “How could she do that?” God has a way of humbling his children. My nevers became my biggest mistakes which then became my testimonies. Give grace to others and give grace to yourself.
  • Be Kind. No explanation needed.
  • Be teachable. I often ask my children if they are being teachable or combative. There is power in listening and learning. Honestly, being teachable has been my golden ticket in my adult years.


I could continue to list more things I wish I knew before embarking in to adulthood. I have lost good friendships, and I have had my heart broken more times than I would like to admit. I have failed quizzes, test, classes and even had to take an academic break due to my grades. I have taken five steps forward and ten steps back. I have cursed, pleaded, cried, begged, and screamed at the Most High. However, with each mishap there was a lesson learned. With each failed class, there was a comeback story. With each academic break there was a cap, gown, and a college degree. With each curse, there was a God with outstretched hands leading me to grace.


I pray that this year doesn’t just bring resolutions. I pray that this year continues to bring courage and perspective.